those end of the year feelings....

Like everyone else I know, these next two days bring me thoughts of where I've been and where I am heading.   While I don't often write New Year's resolutions, I do like to reflect on the past year and make somewhat  of an effort to chart a course through next year.

I turned on my radio this morning and heard a song by Kieth and Kristyn Getty (two of my favorite song writers) .

" Jesus draw me ever nearer
as I labor through the storm
You have called me to this passage,
and I'll follow, though I'm worn.

May this journey bring a blessing
May I rise on wings of faith
and at the end of my heart's testing,
with your likeness let me wake."

There's more if you want to look it up, but I was just contemplating if I have been a blessing to anyone else on this journey this past year and how I can be more of a blessing this coming year.  It's so easy to get wrapped up in myself and my little world and forget about the big world outside my cozy brick walls.  And now that I have written this down, there will be knockings on my door or calls on the phone.  I pray God gives me eyes to see the needs around me and the grace to respond as He would have me .

In the autumn of my life.

On a cloudy Monday morning in November, my thoughts turn naturally to autumn.
Autumn means:
- finding the snowsuits
- finishing the canning
- watching my flower beds turn brown
-cutting enough wood to heat the house all winter
 and a myriad of other  slightly sobering ideas ramble through my mind.
Somehow these lead to all my memories of other falls, long past.
and then I think, wow, life is moving quickly to my own autumn.  I have a 29 year old son, I have 9 grandchildren, soon to be 11.

But wait, I am planing to live to be 100.  This is just summer for me.  I have a six year old child downstairs drawing an eye patch and a pirate  map so we can play.  In the seasons of my life, I am barely past midsummer.  These are the longest days!  Begone, grey depression, I have many things to do before fall come for me. 

Great Expectations

Mothers  do not retire, they are not allowed to retire,and no matter how weary they may be, motherhood goes on forever.
With that in mind,  when two of my married daughters called yesterday within 10 minutes of each other and asked if they could come to my house to "hang out." I graciously invited them over.
I will confess that Esther offered to bring me a large freshly baked brownie but I would have said yes anyway.
While they were here:
 A woman came to look at my litter of 5 week -old golden retrievers
 I attempted to do some wash
 I checked all the business emails
 I swept the floor(that's a big accomplishment )
I looked at some Christmas music I may need to learn for a program
We caught up on all the family gossip
Elijah brought us pizza for lunch
the school bus returned bearing 6 more children
and, I got to play with two of my grandchildren

I was feeling slightly weary when my husband returned home wondering if I would like to "make a little saurkraut" that evening.  I like homemade kraut as much as anyone in the house but apparently my view of "a little" kraut and his differ.

I now have 1,000 (you read that right) pounds of lovely cabbage sitting under a tarp in my driveway while I wait for inspiration to go buy more salt.  I'm pretty sure I don't have enough on hand.
As I recounted these events to my neighbor this morning, she said,"Miriam, you should just be thankful that your life is always new and exciting." 

So- thank you honey, for your gift.  Next time, could you just think "sparkly"?

Reflections...

Last week was the first day of school.  As per my tradition, I took a picture of everyone on the first day and then it hit me- When my oldest was a senior I took a picture of him and his younger brother Jedidiah who was entering kindergarten.  Last week I had Jed- now a senior himself and standing next to him was Stephen, my baby going off to kindergarten.
This is the first time in 24 years that I have not had a pre-schooler. What would I do with myself?

Granted, I still have a home-schooled child, a college student and older boys that live here even while graduated but after all these years, what a funny feeling.

I plan to spend my first week reflecting on all the amazing things God has done in the past 24 years and then make a list of where God and I will go in the next 24.

Life is an adventure and as my husband has said many.many times: "It's exciting!"

The Most Welcome Interruption

Found this prayer in a book:

" The Music of Loose Ends"

I wish I had written it, but I can surely appreciate the prayer and share it.

"Heavenly Father,
You said 'always.'   Always give thanks--always and for everything.  You said to keep the music of thanksgiving always playing in myheart.  Today I give thanks in Jesus' name for what I usually complain about, for what I can't seem to control or change, for all the daily indignities of raising kids:

--For things that break or get broken all the time, and things that break on first use, and for the broken things that require expensive repair and replacement:  Today I see that these are reminders that You are giving my family an eternal treasure in heaven that will never break or fade away(Matt.6:20).

--For things stained, smudged, smeared, fingerprinted, spilled on, even for those unnameable sticknesses in strange places: Today I will bear with such messes with renewed patience because they remind me that it is the inside of us that matters.  You have washed our hearts to purest white by the mercies of Your daily love and eternal salvation(Ps. 51:7).

--For things unemptied, unreplaced,unclosed, unreturned, unkempt, unfound, and unfinished:Today these loose ends of our family life reassure me that our family is called to adestiny where only a few things really matter(Luke 10:42).

--For things ufly,plain,common,cheap,chipped,and dented: Today I see these sometimes embarrassing belongings of a family for what they are--proof that a miracle is under way here.  And You,Lord of all, choose to dwell here with us(Ps. 144:3).

--For noises day and night, and loud music, and loud noises that passes for music: Today I offer this racket to You as the praise of 'everything that has breath' in this house(Ps.150:6), and thank You with each decibel of devotion.

--For interrupted meals,unfinished conversations with friends,unfinished reading,neglected hobbies and projects, and for the fading memories of many small, grown-up luxuries: Today I remember that in His ministry, Jesus said that children were the most welcome interruption of all and the real business of heaven(Matt.19:14).

O Father, accept my list of ordinary parenting annoyances as the holy music of my thankful heart today, for I sing in Jesus' name.

 Amen"

Kopp, David, and Heather Harpham Kopp. Praying the Bible for Your Children. Colorado Springs, CO: WaterBrook, 1998. Print.


Even as I type this, my house is full of such music, so I will leave this post and go attend to my most welcome interruptions.

Perspectives

Life has its twists and turns.
Last week  I got to go to Missouri and help our oldest son with his 4 pre-schoolers when his lovely wife Lindsay needed to go to Texas with her family.  It was my first opportunity to just "hang -out" with four fun children.
Granted, their energy level was probably double mine and I realized why God gives children to 20 year -olds, not 50 somethings.
On the other hand, I got an up close and personal look at their life and I'm so proud of the wonderful job Seth and Lindsay are doing teaching their children.
When I was in the midst of my own toddler life, I couldn't see the forest for the trees, so to speak.  Dishes, laundry, messy faces, dirty behinds, all conspired to rob me of perspective and make me forget the real value of what I was doing.
This time around I could look at the smiling faces and hugs and realize the work will end - eventually but the relationship is forever.

Mother's Day is tomorrow, I have left Grandma life for a time and returned to Motherhood and my 5 year old, but I want to say to all you Moms out there - its a tough job but the reward is oh so worth it.
Hug your messy children and don't sweat the small stuff.

Rites of Spring

Nothing says spring more succinctly at the Ilgenfritz house than the advent of Trout Fishing.

     The smell of budding trees, small woodland flowers and leaf mold, the last tiny clumps of snow clinging to the undersides of fallen logs or hiding in shadowy patches, the fresh yellow-green of new growth, the sound of a rushing mountain stream and the startled yelp of a boy falling into icy water all combine to remind me of that most cherished event – the first day of trout fishing. Izaak Walton wrote, “God never did make a more calm, quiet, innocent recreation than angling.”

      Since my husband and I have been married and children began to appear, the trout fishing ritual has been refined and polished to an art. We now have ten boys eligible to participate in this annual festivity.  It is also a rite of passage since attendance is limited to sons who are out of diapers.  Dad doesn’t do diapers. Therefore, the precocious may get to participate at the age of two, but more than likely it will be three.

      Trout fishing takes place at an uncle’s cabin in the Laurel Mountains of Pennsylvania.  The first step is to pack the food.  Cereal, bologna, eggs, and all sorts of goodies are all packed up by the three oldest boys.  At their ages, food is important and they make sure there’s plenty of it.  Also packed are long underwear, hats, gloves (it’s April) and a change of clothes for all the small guys because someone usually falls in the stream.

     Next is the task of procuring bait.  Sometimes canned corn is enough but many of the boys hold to the view summed up by Henry Van Dyke who said “The reason life sometimes seems dull is because we do not perceive the importance and excitement of getting bait.”  Fortunately, we live on a farm and April is sufficiently muddy to locate worms for an army.

     Finally, a whole host of fishing rods, tackle boxes, waders, nets and all the other necessary paraphernalia we have accumulated over the years are loaded into our van.

     The trip itself is uneventful.  It is a two- hour drive unless the boys are fortunate enough to get Dad to stop at a sporting goods store for waders or a license or canned corn.  Then a shopping adventure is an added bonus.

     When they reach the cabin, the boys have numerous complaints about the rodent tenants who have spent the winter between the sheets of unaired beds and left behind their calling cards.  As they grow older, they have discovered that it is a wise choice to bring your own sleeping bag.

     There is an old fisherman’s saying that, “Nothing grows faster than a fish from the time he bites until the time he gets away.” This has been proven true at the cabin as well. Sometime in the afternoon or evening, Great-uncle Dave and several other men show up.  Then there are tales of years gone by and the inevitable stories of amazing fish escapes, and finally the restless sleep of those possessing the certain knowledge of this year’s big catch.

     Trout fishing begins early. Everyone has a hearty breakfast and grabs the specially packed lunch that Grandma has sent along before heading out to select a hole before daylight.   With a little luck, someone will catch their limit before lunch, sending everyone else into fervor of casting and reeling in and unwinding small boy’s lines from trees.  In recent years our second son, Benjamin has become an expert on helping little ones get lines untangled, perhaps reminiscent of the years he was small.  If no one falls in, lunch is eaten on the bank with the rough bark of the logs digging into bottoms and the smell of slimy fish on hands.

     The essence of the day is summed up by Noah’s fish tale:  He was about six at the time and as avid an angler as anyone.  He had a fine rainbow trout on his line, which he was quite proud of. Actually his big brother Seth had caught it and put it on Noah’s hook when he was elsewhere, but Noah was oblivious to this.  He reeled it in and his brothers duly admired it.

     The trout came home to be viewed by the girls of the family as well and we would have cooked and eaten it but Noah was sent to take his Saturday night bath and unbeknownst to anyone else, he took the trout into the tub with him.  The poor thing showed no appreciation for bubble baths.

      Finally Noah was persuaded to plant the fish on the hill under some cucumber plants where it may have fertilized them quite well, except he kept digging the plants up to check on the fish

     This then is the heart of the trout fishing tradition- not the big catches, but time with family, making memories and stories we can pass down to the next generation. I can picture it now, a room full of little boys and Seth or Benjamin will say, “Have you heard the story of Uncle Noah and the Rainbow Trout?”

Biological Evangelism

I got a call from a telemarketer a few years ago.  She was fund-raising for a pro-life group.  She began her spiel by asking me if I considered myself pro-life or pro-choice.  I replied, “I’ll let you guess. We have fourteen children and we’re expecting one in July.”

     “Oh my,” she said, ”You must be pro-life.  Fifteen children!”  There was a long pause and then she said,” I’m not even going to ask you for money.” And hung up.

     Just the other week,  I found an old note dated 2006 where I asked God for another blessing, wrote it down and then stuck it in a book and forgot I wrote it.  God didn’t forget, however and several months later we discovered Stephen on the way.  God’s first commandment is “be fruitful and multiply” (Genesis 1:28).  He has never rescinded this that I can find in the Bible.

     Malachi 2: 15 says God desires a godly seed from our marriage union.  I am a strong proponent of biological evangelism. When God talks about blessing families with fruitfulness, he compares it to things that cannot be numbered, such as the sand on the beach or the stars in the sky.  The blessing over Rebecca in preparation for her marriage was “Be thou the mother of thousands of millions” (Gen. 24:60)

  I have been challenged to see Motherhood as an eternal career. When a new baby is conceived, I have eternity in my womb.  I will bring forth a life that will last forever and ever. What an awesome thought. We  need to let God be sovereign.  I have often wondered why it is more acceptable to die on the mission field serving Christ but if one was to die in childbirth, giving life to another, it is considered irresponsible. So what’s the bottom line?  It’s not a matter of deciding how many children we should have or not have, but having a vision to bring forth a godly seed for God’s glory.

     I had a new thought last week:  God has chosen to build His kingdom through the birth of more people.  I don’t mean just Christians, The only way any one can come into the kingdom of God requires a physical birth first, or at least conception.  Satan has been murdering millions of children though abortion, and Christians protest this but he is just as active in Christian churches and homes tricking us into believing that we have the right and power to prevent conception. In doing this Satan is limiting the army of God and we are not even aware of it. Think about this, if the Christians in the last several generations hadn’t made the choice to limit their families, how much more powerful God’s army would be today.  The numbers of babies who were not even conceived because of some of our practices is probably much greater than the number of babies aborted and yet birth control is a perfectly acceptable practice in the Church.  I wonder if this makes the enemy laugh.

     As I get older, I am becoming more and more convinced that life is a gift and I do not want to be guilty of despising it.    For all the abundance of scientific technology, only God gives life and only women have been ordained to bring forth that life.  I am a life-giver. What an awesome thought.  No president or king can compare with that and yet we have been tricked into believing that it is a curse and something only designed to tie us to our kitchen sinks.

It is an honor to bring a soul into the world that will live forever and then I have been given the opportunity to help disciple that new life with the vision of adding another soul to Christ’s kingdom.

Motherhood is a career that extends to eternity.  All other things will be left behind. I do not want to be empty of that which I could have taken into eternity – the redeemed souls of my children. Mark had a vision once about walking our family through a wall of fire.  Everything we had attained in life was burned away except our children and that is what we came to God with. The enemy knows the power of life. Every person that comes into the world has the potential to glorify God with his life and to help destroy the works of the enemy.  No wonder Satan is trying to destroy our desire to bear children and why he tries so hard to make us believe the sacrifice is too great.     

     When I was 45 years old, I was pretty sure my child bearing years were over.  After all, fifteen children were probably enough for any woman. Imagine my surprise when, on my 46 birthday I woke up to a strange nauseating feeling.  I told myself I must have a touch of the local stomach bug but when my husband took me out for supper, I couldn’t eat my favorite foods and began to feel a little suspicious.  After several days, I finally confirmed my suspicions.  Sure enough we were anticipating another arrival in the fall.

     I believe life is a gift and meant to be celebrated and so even though my head told me that I was old and hadn’t been pregnant for almost four years, and the baby clothes were probably all given away, not to mention maternity clothes, my heart said “Life is a gift from God” and I decided to do my best to embrace this experience wholeheartedly.

     It is easy to celebrate life in our house.  Just let fifteen children into the secret and a party begins.  My oldest son was engaged and soon to be married.  His response was “That’s cool, mom, you’ll be pregnant at my wedding” (So much for a flattering mother-of the groom dress)

     Emmanuel, who was almost four, had a slightly different perspective: “Mom, you could have two babies, a boy for me and a girl for Jerusha to play with.”

     Ever since I passed the two children mark, well-meaning people have been making the comment “You must love being pregnant.”  Somehow they have confused the fact that being miserable for nine months has turned mysteriously into an enjoyable experience.  How silly, but the truth is, the reward is worth the misery.  How many people who panned for gold and actually found it said they wished they had never spent those days and nights shivering in Alaska looking.  No, their reward was worth it.

     Whatever you may believe about women and childbearing, the truth is still the truth.  God designed us to have children     So, did this make the next eight months a bed of roses? Absolutely not.  My brain hears the whispered thought “baby on the way” and I instantly gain ten pounds without even eating an extra bite. Then as this new one grows my legs ache, my back hurts, my husband tells me I’m sexier while I’m looking in the mirror saying “Yeah right,  those watermelon seeds I swallowed have finally grown” and then there is labor.  Contrary to popular belief, labor does not get easier each time you have another baby, especially since each time you are also older, but I focus on the reward at the end.

     I have to continually ask myself:  what is the big picture? Just as God has a plan for each of my children; He has a plan for my marriage and what it is producing.

I found that plan in the book of Malachi where God says marriage is for the purpose of producing a godly offspring (Malachi 2:15).

     Every now and then I wonder why I didn’t make it to the mission field or do some other great thing and then God reminds me that I am doing something great even though I will never see the end result.  I am a builder.  He has entrusted Mark and I with all these children.  How better to make disciples than with those who someone lives with day after day after day.   This is the best opportunity God will ever give me to pass on my firm conviction that God has a plan for each of us   I want to be extravagant for Jesus and leave a legacy of 100’s of people who have the same vision of passing on the baton of faith so each generation after us (if Christ tarries) will increase the kingdom of God.

     Mark and I have sixteen children.  If God gives them each ten children, the next generation will have 160 children, but if the vision is passed along, my great grandchildren could number 1600 and the last generation I might live to see could number160, 000.  Imagine what an impact 160,000 more people could have in this world if they were all on fire for Christ.  I hope I live to be 100.

Falling off the pedestal

     As often as I warn people not to put me on a pedestal,  they do anyway.  Perhaps just the fact that we have so many children is grounds for this, so every now and then I must just tell some tales to prove them wrong.

 

     One year when we had eight children, I took all the ones who were too small to actually attend school to see their big brothers in a Christmas play.  I was quite particular to dress everyone up in their best. I had all the girls in cute matching Christmas dresses and had even made myself a matching maternity dress for I was expecting again.  I was also rather proud of the fact that I had finally potty trained Naomi. She was sitting on my lap in her cute little frilly underwear that I let her wear and we were all engrossed in the play when suddenly, my lap was flooded.  As my face turned red, I realized I was trapped.  Mark hadn’t come along so if I got up and left with Naomi, all the other little children would reveal their true behavior patterns while I was out changing her and then too, I was soaked and didn’t bring a spare dress along in my diaper bag.  Finally I just sat stiffly through the rest of the program with Naomi on my lap and didn’t visit with anyone on our way out the door.  I was hoping someone might think my water had  broken instead  of suspecting that I was soaked with urine but once again I had to just forget my pride and realize perhaps my potty training methods weren’t fool proof.  We all made it home and I may be the only one who even remembers that night unless there are acquaintances of mine out there somewhere still wondering why I was so unfriendly one winter evening.

     Publicity comes our way every now and then.  One year we had a call from a local newspaper asking if they could do a story on our family. At first we turned them down, but on further reflection we decided to go ahead and let the paper run a story.  They sent a photographer and a very nice young lady out to interview us.  She asked everyone questions and spent a good part of the day with us.  The story ran on the front cover of our local paper on Mother’s Day and the headline proclaimed in big bold letters “I’m Never Tired and I’m Never Bored”.

     I got more response from that headline that I ever dreamed possible especially since it was a misquote and I actually said,” I’m never lonely and I’m never bored” 

    I sent a copy of the article to my mother without explanation and she called up and accused me of being in denial.  While the reporter called me up to apologize for the mistake, she never printed a correction and, now that almost nine years have passed, every now and then I’ll run into someone who says

      “Oh, are you that lady in the paper who is never tired?”

         About two weeks after that, I was out in the car and got pulled over by a policeman.  I was pretty sure I hadn’t been  speeding but as he scolded me for having my car out of inspection,  I was envisioning a new headline  Mother of 13 Cited For Improperly Securing two year old in Car Seat.  That would make me sound like the Mother of the Year.  Mark had our van so I had 5 preschoolers in a car designed for 4 passengers and according to the car seat law; some of them were illegally buckled in.  I wouldn’t have even gone out, but David and Noah’s first grade class was having a Mother’s Lunch which all good mothers must attend.  So, while doing my duty I was “forced’ to violate the law.    Well, such is life.  I suppose most mothers don’t have 5 preschoolers to take with them to a first grade luncheon.

    The point is, I’m as normal as everyone else, I just cook in bigger pots. Our life is full of teenage drama and sibling rivalry just like the rest of the world.  Every morning I get up and ask God for the grace to make it through the day with my sanity intact and He has been faithful.  I wouldn’t trade one tiny humbling moment that my children have put me through all unintentionally and I am looking forward to a few more before the house falls quiet at last.

    

good intentions

My good blogging intentions have been falling by the wayside.  I stopped this morning to regroup, scrape them up and try again.
After all, writers are supposed to write, right?
So, how have I digressed off the writing path? Let me count the ways...

1. the laundry needs done
2. someone has to balance the checkbook
3.  I am the book keeper for Mark's Electric
4. My children need me(some, constantly)
5. the puppies need baths
6.  I haven't figured out what's for supper yet
7. sometimes I feel guilty when I take time to write even though no one minds that I do so

This list could go on for quite some time yet. but I am trying to finish the rough draft of my next novel by the end of the year so I remind myself again, writer's need to write and some things can wait.

So, what keeps you from your good intentions?

WOW!

¹ The heavens declare the glory of God;

    the skies proclaim the work of his hands.
² Day after day they pour forth speech;
    night after night they reveal knowledge.
³ They have no speech, they use no words;
    no sound is heard from them.
⁴ Yet their voice  goes out into all the earth,
    their words to the ends of the world.   PSM 19 1-4NIV


How can I read that and not be amazed that God cares about me.  All I have to do is go outside at night and look at the stars and see God's work.  Why is it so easy to forget His presence in my life?

Some thoughts on entropy

   Whenever life begins going along smoothly, there will be a bump in the road just to remind us that we are dependent on God, not ourselves and force us to turn again to Him.

There is also the fact that nothing ever stays the same.  It is constantly wearing down or breaking or descending into chaos. 

    Last winter I was pretty sure entropy was overtaking us.  It started with the dishwasher.  We were renovating a house and in the course of working on the kitchen at the new house, a new dishwasher came my way as well.  The old one had been subject to random fits of leakage so this seemed a good time to replace it.  This appeared to be an easy task but when Mark pulled out the old dishwasher, we discovered that it had been leaking for quite a while through the floor and into the basement, just not out in front where we could see it.  The floor underneath was rotten.  Obviously this would be a bigger project than we anticipated at first.

     While this project was still in process, our water in the house began shutting off.  We have our own well and I am used to running quite a few things in my attempts to multitask.  I can have someone in the shower, run two washing machines, the kitchen sink and the dishwasher all at one time without too much  distress for the person in the shower.  Suddenly I could only use one item at a time and it wasn’t going to be the dishwasher.   The only way to deal with this problem was run to the basement, shut off the washing machines, turn off the pump, wait a few minutes, reset the pressure switch, run back upstairs and remember to start everything up again.

     We were all still fairly cheerful about these things and then the house got cold and then colder.  It was January and I don’t tolerate cold very well. Since Mark was going out to get plumbing parts, he decided he might as well get some furnace parts too.  Then, to take the cake, our old furnace down in the basement sprang an oil leak.  Now my husband can fix anything but everything in one week was a little much.  Still, one can either laugh or cry.  We decided to have a good laugh and then work at fixing one thing at a time.  The furnace has been removed, the circulator fixed, the water tank has a new pressure switch and I have a new list of things that need repaired this winter.

     Entropy hits us in other areas also. For example, I have a dishwasher, a regular sized kitchen sink and a large 3 bay restaurant size sink and I still cannot keep up with the demand for clean dishes. Over the years I have become convinced that that at least in our house, dirty dishes breed in the sink at night.  No matter how empty the sink is at night, there are more dishes there in the morning.  One year I interviewed some of the children to see if anyone knew the answer.  Benjamin was seventeen at the time, and he offered the first plausible theory.

     “I believe dishes are like Hattifatteners.  The multiply especially fast during thunderstorms.  Outlets by the sink increase this disposition still more”

     This didn’t entirely explain my dish problem, so I asked Naomi.  She put forward her theory eagerly.  “Dishes are relatives to amoebas and they divide asexually at night while no one is looking.”

    Ephraim and Jedidiah simply said “Mom, eating food makes more dishes.” 

     They wondered why was this was so hard for me to understand.  They also added they sincerely hoped I wasn’t planning to ask them to help whip the dishes into submission.

     The more I think about housework and dishes, the more I become convinced that it is a simple mathematical equation. The degree of cleanliness of your house is a directly proportional ratio of mess created by toddlers and ability and numbers available to clean.  In other words, if you have mostly older children, your house will be cleaner than if you have a higher ratio of preschoolers.

     On the other hand, no matter how many preschoolers or almost adult children you have, entropy is always out there lurking just beyond the door, waiting to force its way in.  My husband is not so romantic about it.  He just says,  “ Everything is either being cleaned up or messed up. There is no in- between”

     He is right of course. There is nothing really lurking and conspiring to trash my house.  Life is messy and I have come to grips with that.  I refuse to give up and let it overtake me but neither shall I let it rule my life.  When everything breaks down, it’s time to gird up my loins and go to work so that when we are done, we’ll have another memory in our cache of stories to tell when we are old.